Sometimes I have awkward conversations with friends that makes me sound crazy. This one is about our chickens:
Me: So our garden service informed me via sms that they quit.
Friend: How professional of them.
Me: I know right. And that right after I sms'd them to be careful because we have chickens now.
Friend: Maybe they have a chicken phobia.
Me: Bastards! Now we have to get a gardener who isn't afraid of chickens. I mean really. Who the fuck is scared of chickens?
Friend: Your chickens are cute. Not threatening at all.
Me: I know. I still don't get why people are scared of chickens. Especially two hens who I saved from a rapist rooster who tried to pull out their feathers.
Friend: A rapist rooster?
Me: Yes. They have been through so much already and now they also get discriminated against by people with chicken phobias.
Friend: Shame man. That's a tough life.
Me: I am serious! They are also even too scared to lay eggs. I would be too if I lived in constant fear of being raped and plucked. But now when the one hen lays eggs she makes this agonizing sounds. Think it is stretching her pooper of vagina. I don't know chicken anatomy at all.
Friend: You do have a point.
Me: I think they suffer from PTSD. Are there therapists who specialize in chickens? Like a chicken whisperer?
Friend: Only you would ask me that.
Me: There should be if there are dog and cat therapists. Or are chickens too low on the food chain for psychotherapy? They have feelings too you know.
Friend: If you find one I need one too. Long story.
Me: PTSD is tough on chickens. Especially ones who apparently are "scaring" people away from working in our garden.