Friday, 9 September 2016

The 13th Floor. Life Coaching GG Style.

*Disclaimer - I have zero formal training. Unless a Doctorate from the University of Life counts*

A few years ago I was having a natter while driving with my honorary gay son and he told me that I should become a life coach. I was so taken aback that it's a good thing he was driving because I would probably have run us into a ditch. I kept my pose and asked him what on earth would make him say that. His response took me by surprise. He said it was because I helped him come out and I have a way of putting things that gets right to the point without sugarcoating and I call bullshit when I see it. And there I thought I was just a bad tempered auld bitch who is always way too blunt.

Anyway, what he said to me did make me ponder a few things. I've always considered Life Coaching to be the biggest scam out there. You pay a small fortune for someone to tell you how to live your life, usually using advice that is common fucking sense. Of course there must be exceptions but I have only ever met one Life Coach who has got an actual degree and didn't get her training off a website on the internet. In my opinion that book The Secret is no better than any other self help book out there. She has the secret all right, raking in millions off writing something that is filled with.... COMMON SENSE. Another example that irritates the living bejaysus out of me is a family I unfortunately had the displeasure of once knowing. Father's business tanked so he got certified via the internet as a life coach. That's not so bad right? Live and let live and all that shite. But he didn't leave it there. Suddenly dude was training others to be life coaches. His entire extended family are now life coaches who charge a LOT of money for their particular brand of wisdom. My personal favourite being his son who's balls hadn't even dropped properly yet, how is anyone supposed to take someone so young seriously as a life coach? Funny thing about all this is that I know exactly just how dysfunctional this family is but looking at their social media pages etc you would be excused for thinking that everything is just hunky-fucking-dory. Father is also a Life Coach at a private school where he teaches children under 12. The very thought of that makes me shudder. Who does background checks on people who work with children? Who is in charge? Who's head is going to roll when it turns into a giant clusterfuck? Someone seriously dropped the ball in this case...

So yeah, that brings me to how I personally deal with issues. It may not be to everyone's taste but it certainly works for me. It's no secret that I also come from a rather dysfunctional family and it's quite frankly a fucking miracle that I am a contributing member of society who's been happily married to the man I met when I was 13 for almost 3 decades. My issues aren't with my own little tribe, they're with others. Blood relatives and friends who I called family. People I trusted. People I would do anything for. People who turned on me, betrayed me and were then surprised when I didn't want them in my life anymore. Why the fuck would I want people I can't trust in my life? I may have become a bitch but I'm not insane. And don't even get me started on the whole forgiveness thing. To me forgiveness means letting people back into your life and there are certain individuals that will be back in my life the day I win a gold medal as an Olympic gymnast. That doesn't mean I harbor resentment, I've come to the realisation that people can't help their inherent natures and if I am angry at anyone then it's myself for not seeing through the bullshit earlier. #LoyaltyFail 

I know it's important to always keep moving forward and dwelling on the past prevents one from doing that so I don't dwell. Ever. When there is something that keeps trying to burrow it's way back into my consciousness I delegate it to what I call my 13th Floor. A place I will visit one day. Or not.  My 13th Floor is like a lot of hotels in Canada, they don't have one! It's there but it's not there. Of course there are people who get something good out of therapy and there's nothing wrong with that but personally I can't see how picking at things that happened in the past can possibly make me feel better. The only hold the past has on me is how I react to certain situations and when my knee jerk is something I'm not proud of then I make an effort to change the way I think about things. My favourite form of therapy is having a few drinks with someone I trust and having a good natter anyway. 

As humans we all have a tendency to worry too much about other people who actually have no real impact on our lives and that brings me to what is still one of my favourite lessons ever. I have mentioned it before but it needs to be in this piece. Whenever I talk to my friend Black Sam and ask him how he's doing his response is always this: "Life is good thanks Mami, my wife and children still smile when they see me so life is good." See? At the end of the day only those who are under your roof are the ones who should matter most. As long as you're happy in your own home life is good. And if you're not? Then do something about it!  

Live well, love much, laugh often and always remember to dance!
G xoxo 

This song has been stuck in my head for days and I think it may have inspired this post which is VERY different from my usual shit hahaha


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