Friday, 13 November 2015

On being a casual foodie

Like most people, I claim to only have one real vice. To quote Lily Allen, I'm not a saint, but I'm not a sinner:

I fucking love food.

Like, really. Luckily my girlfriend is quite a foodie too, so I can safely say I live and breathe for delicious noms. Often she is the only one who will dare to join me in trying new combinations, like our recent breakfast of croissants with camembert, honey and fresh rocket (Arugula, if you want to be 'Murcan), so I believe we feel the same about food. I'm practically in a three-way relationship.

If I have the remote, the TV is on channel 175, and currently I have my new copy of a recipe book from The Great British Bake Off in front of me at least 8 hours of the day and I know exactly what I'm baking first. We love going to new restaurants and trying all sorts of different foods, and while there are some things I don't eat (coriander is the real devil's herb), I will try almost anything.

But I have some issues that mean I can't be a real foodie, apparently:
Firstly, I can't cook real food. I routinely burn things - I've set pans on fire cooking everyday things like fried onions - and I often forget to add essential ingredients. I can bake though, at least.
Second, what I can cook is usual teenage/student fare - French toast (I make killer French toast), eggs, potato hashes, that sort of thing. So when I cook, don't expect gourmet if any kind of heat is involved.
Finally, I love eating and using stuff real foodies wouldn't touch. 2 minute noodles with viennas and cheese? I may as well die of a foodgasm right now. Plus I nearly always use good ol' Moirs vanilla essence when it calls for real vanilla extract - nobody can really tell, right? Also, tomato sauce is my friend. That and Tobasco.

According to Geegee, too, I do not eat properly because I do not add cheese to every meal. So there we are, I am not really a foodie at all, I suppose...

Fortunately, though, I happen to be planning to marry someone who can really cook amazing meals. How often do you hear someone saying their partner cooks better than their mom? Well, my partner's cooking outdoes my mom's - tenfold. It may or may not be why I am marrying her.

So while I might not make it to my own cooking show, or become a food critic or a judge on Masterchef, I certainly am a foodie in the sense that if it has enough deliciousness, I wholeheartedly love it and will tell everyone I run into about how amazing it tastes.

Whether it's organic and locally sourced or if it comes from some questionable factory in a town I've never heard of.

Now excuse me while I return to my Salticrax and Marshmallow fluff - happy eating!


  1. LOL you do know how to cook - I suspect you fake it so I do all the work lol lol